It’s time for a change. It’s time for me to stop looking and dreaming about all the things I want to do and to actually start DOING them.
I want to grow more vegies, get my garden organised, plant fruit trees, have more chooks and change my life in a positive way. I realised this morning (bit of an epiphany while mowing lawns and pulling weeds) that it’s up to me to make the changes I want in my life. While Ashley and the kids are there and help me when I need it, I am the one who needs to change. Not only my mind set but also the physical side of my life as well.
I can dream all I want and plan lots and lots of projects but unless I physically get out there and start doing them then all they are are dreams. Dreams that with a puff of wind can float away never to be recaptured. I don’t want that.
So what has bought this about? Well for a start off this has been brewing in the back of my mind for months. It certainly isn’t a “flash in the pan” kind of thought. I have been drifting for far too long and it’s time to start living.
This year has been one of tremendous changes and lots and lots of stress.
James and Elise are enjoying school and university and both doing very well however Nicola has been very ill. We still don’t know what is wrong with her and while the Doctors are doing all sorts of tests that is no actual diagnosis as yet. Her illness is so bad she hasn’t actually been able to even attend school this year. Her illness of course has meant a very big rearrangement of our priorities and what is important to us as individuals and as a family.
Both Ashley and I have an overwhelming desire to be more independent of the big corporations (power, water, supermarkets etc) and are working towards being a lot more self sufficient in both power, water and what we can grow to eat. We also want to get our home loan paid off (sooner rather than later) so that if Ashley wants to he would only have to work a few days a week freeing him up to work on the projects he enjoys and that appeals to his creative side.
We want to be able to spend more time together and with our family rather than running around like chickens with our heads cut off working long hours to pay the bills and having nothing to show for it.
I have found myself more and more researching all sorts of ideas on the Internet. Looking at You tube videos on various methods of gardening and spinning and watching Documentaries. Then it hit me. All that time on the net was time I wasn’t living. While I was learning and getting lots of ideas that knowledge was useless unless I started to use it in a very practical way. And quite frankly I’m sick of the Internet. I’m fed up with the time it takes from my day – restricting myself wasn’t helping – and it was stopping me from doing what I wanted to do. Yes it has it’s uses but it needs to be in very limited amounts.
For some time I have been seriously thinking about stopping blogging. I have been posting to this blog for seven years. Not as long as some but a long time for me. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt every time I thought “enough blogging or I don’t want to do this” but no more. It’s time to stop. I honestly don’t have any more blog posts in me and I don’t want to post. I’m not going to delete my blog – well not yet anyway – but the day will come. I know some series of posts are unfinished but I just don’t have it in me to continue with them. Blogging has become a chore and has been that way for some time and when something is a chore it’s not enjoyable and I need to enjoy my life.
I want to say thank you to all those who have read my blog over the years. To those who have become good friends via this blog. Thank you. We will keep in touch and I will continue to read your blogs but in a much more limited way.
I’m off to live my life.