I have thought and prayed long and hard about posting today, but I feel in my heart this is the right thing to do. Please beleive me that what you read here is most sincerely how I am feeling and comes from my heart – no pretence, no asking for sympathy, just the plain unvarnished truth as I see it.
I want to assure all of those concerned that the nastiness I mentioned did not in any way involve me. But like witnessing a school yard fight, it left me distressed and with a very sour taste in my mouth. I have not, nor will I, enter into debate with those involved, or with anyone else for that matter, regarding who is right or wrong. I admit though, it shook me to the core. That people, supposedly thinking, reasoning, rational adults, could behave in such a manner towards their fellow human beings is horrifying to me, and left me feeling physically ill and mentally drained.
I do not for one moment say that I am perfect. I have made mistakes to, but I would like to think that I can learn from those mistakes and move on. Likewise I do not think I am a hero for writing what I said in my last post. I’m so far from that status it isn’t funny. I am quite sure that some of those who were involved also do not read my blog and that is fine. But if what I wrote, makes even one person stop and think before sending on that email or blogging that post which may hurt or demean another person, then I have acheived what I set out to do. None of us are perfect. Not one single person! We need to keep that in the forefront of our minds whenever we interact with one another.
You all know that I speak from the heart. I call a spade a spade and if I think there is something wrong I will say so. That’s me – Catherine Ann aka Calidore. I am guessing that many of you read my blog for precisely that reason – that what you see is who I am. You will also have realised by this time why I am so upset about the whole matter.
Having said all that can I just say that this self imposed exile from my blog is the pits!!!! I have missed it more than I can say, not that I have acheived much in the time I was away. It is totally different to not posting for a few days because I haven’t done anything noteworthy. Likewise not catching up on what everyone is doing is also the pits. So I shall resume blogging and you have no idea on how big a relief that is.
I guess in the end, the absolutely bees knees of all of this unpleasantness, is that I have had a “light bulb moment”. Now I am not writing this for sympathy or for you to instantly send me emails saying “of course you’re my friend” or anything else for that matter. I just want you to read what I have written.
For a great many years I have considered myself to be a person who would never have a great many close friends. I have acquaintances, people I say hello to when I see them, but not many I can pop around for a cuppa, or who call to see me, just because we want to spend some time with each other. In fact you could count those close friends on one hand. Now I also want to say that Ashley is absolutely my Best Friend. He has been since the day we met and will be until the day we are parted by death and reunited in Heaven (Poor man probably dreading that bit…lol.) Elise, Nicola, James, my Mum and Sister and her family also rank in that category of best friends. No one, apart from God, will ever understand me as well as those 9 people do. They have seen me go to hell and back with post natal depression. They have seen the overwhelming joy I have felt when each of the children were born and the completeness I felt when I married Ashley. They have seen the sorrow I felt when my Grandparents passed away. There are no secrets from them. I couldn’t hide any even if I tried.
Over the years I have fretted at times over what will I do if something happens to Ashley or any of them. Will I be totally alone in this world with no one to talk to, even to say hello to. Well of course I know that that won’t happen, but it still worried me even though I buried those fears way down the back of my mind.
I have discovered something and I assure you the fears are put to rest at last. I HAVE FREINDS. I have heaps and heaps of them. They are you my Dear Readers. I may never see you face. I may never hear your voice. I may never feel the touch of your hand. We may never meet in this life time. But I do feel your love, and your compassion and your joy, your understanding and your humor. And cyber hugs are just as warm as those given in person.
So I want to thank you most sincerely. It is a humbling experience realising that there are so many people out there that do care about me and that accept me for who I am.
Now I want you to do something for me. Go to your partner or husband or child or friend and ask them to give you a hug. Not just a quick cuddle, a proper hug. The kind you feel right down deep that warms your heart and soothes your soul. Now when you have done that – remember this – THAT HUG WAS FROM ME.