It has been one of those weekends

I haven’t been posting the past couple of days. There has been a fair bit of stress and tension in our household and it has made life difficult to say the least. It isn’t between Ashley and I, just other members of his family. I won’t give you all the gory details, that would be airing the dirty linen just a bit too much but suffice it to say that being an In-law is the pits.

I admit I am bossy and opinionated – yeah I can see you all smiling at that one….lol; and I have a fairly exacting code that I live by. I don’t trust easily, but when I do that person has my whole hearted support. I know that others don’t live by how I conduct my life, and if the truth is told I don’t expect them to, but I find it difficult coping with some things that happen – which to others would seem perfectly normal. I think I have some pretty good qualities, Ashley seems to agree or he wouldn’t still be with me, however there are some who don’t appreciate my finer points (tongue in cheek here) and there has been some heated discussion around our kitchen table. It has meant that there has been some open discussion between Ashley and I and his sister and her husband for the first time since before we were all married 14 years ago. I’m not sure yet whether the air has been cleared, but at least we might be moving in the right direction. If nothing else, we all now know what the other person is thinking, instead of hiding it behind a mask of duty visits and polite faces. After coming from a family where issues were discussed and resolved, it has been difficult marrying into a family where no one talks and when one member says jump, all the others ask “how high”. It certainly isn’t the way Ashley and I conduct our marriage.

Since I became ill with post natal depression after Nicola, if there is one thing I have learnt, is that when there is a problem the only way to deal with it, is head on. I am one of those people who stresses and worries about the silliest things which to other seem insignificant, but to me they appear to be mountains. I guess that is one of the qualities that attracted me to Ashley the most – he doesn’t worry, he just takes things in his stride and goes on with whatever it is he is doing. Lucky him!!!

Part of this conflict has meant that Ashley and I have discussed some issues that we have buried for many years, and it has been good to get them in the open, discussed and dealt with. Let’s face it, even in the happiest of marriages there are always some issues that we hide away, thinking that it was in the past let’s leave it there and don’t bring up for fear of hurting our partners. Sometimes though a through discussion, tears and hugs are the best way of resolving issues.

So now I am trusting in God to direct us in the right direction and to help heal some of the hurt that has been caused either intentionally or unintentionally along the way. I know He will do it in his time, but sometimes that seems to take a long time.

So today, in a somewhat symbolic effort to start anew, we have moved all the furniture around in our bedroom including the bed to a position it hasn’t been in before – in front of the window. I have washed everything with lavender oil, vacummed and sprayed the matress with more lavender oil and wiped the dust off everthing. I’m just waiting for the blankets to dry and I can remake the bed. I must admit it feels good to have a change.

It was nice to read everyones blogs and feel the happiness that was coming from all of them. You have all achieved so much in the past few days – thank you for writing about it. Thank you also for all those best wishes on the occassion of our Wedding Anniversary. As Maureen said in her comments in a quote from her father – “maybe more hiss than bliss” but the BEST “I do,I will” I ever did!

I quite agree.

PS The really good thing that did come from the weekend was that Ashley’s sister and her husband have announced they are expecting their first baby. They have been waiting 14 years for this little miracle. Truly a sign God does listen to prayers.

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5 thoughts on “It has been one of those weekends

  1. Hang in there – being in a family can sometimes be very difficult.

    At least it sounds like you are prepared to try and work things through!

    Thinking of you.

  2. Let us hope that you can begin a new relationship with your sister-in-law, especially now with a baby on the way. It’s sad that the people that hurt you the most are those that should be the closest. Still, you can’t please everyone and you can’t change from the person you are deep down. After all, the REAL Catherine is the one Ashley married and is happy with.

    Celebrate the joy and happiness you give and receive in your own marriage and family, but always leave the door open for genuine friendship from others.

    With much love and best wishes always – Frances (Alice)

  3. Oh My! You could have been describing me in that in-law scene. Those of us who refuse to be led around by a ring in the nose cause a turmoil in an circle of folks who don’t think for themselves and are ruled by a ‘dictator.’ Our door and open discussion have remained available for years but the ‘dictator’ refuses to walk through the door and sit at the table. We can only do so much . . . Keep trusting God. He’ll strengthen you. Sometimes people don’t realize how much they do hurt you with their words and/or actions. Give it to the Lord and concentrate on your special world with Ashley and your children, and other loved ones who treasure you and their relationship with you.

    Ironic . . . I moved our bedroom around the other day too. Shel was not entirely happy but I think now he is beginning to see the ‘method to my madness.’ The bed is closer to the window and patio door which makes it a lovely spot for an afternoon rest of reading or handwork; plus it helped by giving us a bit more elbow room in the bedroom as a whole.

    Take care . . .

  4. It sounds like you are doing what is right by your husband, self and family and that is the main thing..good luck with it all…I hope it all works our for the best.
    The bedroom treatment sounds like bliss, I can almost smell the lavender from here! ENJOY 🙂

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